Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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