are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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