im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
