I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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