You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Drunk is not a location!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
