We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
