On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
