so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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