You made me cry and you don't even care
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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