if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
