there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
