Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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