So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
