I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
bring money and cleavage
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
