Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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