If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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