Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
