i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
