I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
