My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize