my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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