I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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