It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
