Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
