she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
