I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
