hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
