So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
