Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
