Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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