he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
