i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
