Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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