I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
