i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
