Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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