omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
