help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
