Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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