forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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