even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
