Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
