Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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