so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
