I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
