Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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