worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
