I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
