Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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