Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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