The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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