I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
