people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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