if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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