It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
