i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
