Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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