I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
