It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
