i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
