And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
