i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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